Zen and Sex (a laugh out loud Romantic Comedy) by Davis Dermot

Author:Davis, Dermot [Davis, Dermot]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Sweetwater Lane Publishing
Published: 2013-03-12T04:00:00+00:00

8. A Naked Person Can’t Tell Lies

When we finally get to our destination, somewhere north of San Francisco in beautiful San Rafael county, it’s dark. I quickly get to meet Frances’ sister, Doris and her husband, Chuck. I didn’t want to ask but I think Doris is a few years younger than Frances, although Frances is so young looking, that I can’t be sure. Her sister and brother-in-law seem like a very weird couple to me and, even though they’re married, they don’t look like they are at all in love with each other. Pretty much like most married couples, I guess.

Frances did tell me a little bit about them on the way here and I did make a note to myself never to end up like them. For starters, Doris, because of some high-paying executive job in high-end retail consulting work or something is always out of town. What kind of marriage can you be having if one of you is always traveling, right? He’s a techie and works mostly at home, on the internet. I guess they Skype and phone each other to check in and see how their marriage is going from time to time.

And they do phone sex.

Which I can totally understand, considering how they are seldom together but please, phone sex? I tried it once but I just couldn’t get into it. The girl I was dating lived across town and one night I called her for a booty call. Except my car was in the shop and she refused to get into hers and drive over to my place. So she suggested phone sex. It was awful. After my initial question, ‘What are you wearing?’ I was out of titillating questions.

“What are you wearing?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re not wearing anything at all?”

“No.”

“Okay. Are you lying down?”

“Do you want me to be lying down?”

“It’s not a hypothetical question. I’m merely trying to picture where you are in your room, if you even are in your room, are you?”

“I’m lying down on the bed, wearing nothing. Naked.”

“Oh. Good. That’s better. That helps.”

“What would you like to do to me?”

“You know what I’d like to do to you.”

“Then say it. You need to tell me. Seduce me.”

“I’d like to come over and have sex with you.”

“That’s nice but it’s not very seductive. You need to be more, I don’t know, erotic.”

“Have you done this many times before? I get the impression that this is not your first time.” There’s no way I could have my first phone sex experience with someone who is so obviously an expert. It would be like playing tennis with someone ten times better than you where you’re running around the court like a madman trying just to get the ball over the net. Meanwhile, they casually stand in place, hitting the ball back with one hand and texting with the other. In one word: demoralizing.

“Is it your first time?” she asks, casually.

“Yeah. I pray to god they get my car fixed tomorrow.”

“So, what would you like to do to me?”

“I don’t know.

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